some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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