No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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