my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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