Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
