once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found puke in my bra..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
