you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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