so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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