His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
