i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
