she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
