woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
