Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
