tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
