some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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