Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
