Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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