his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit