my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I will be naked everywhere
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.