No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
