I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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