i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
