So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
