not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
