Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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