Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I pour the whiskey from now on
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
