She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
