I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
