Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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