it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
