Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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