Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
