Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize