I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
