there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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