I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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