I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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