you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
