Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
babies were throwing up all over the place
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
