Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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