I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
