I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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