dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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