So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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