from now on my penis is your penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
