Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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