I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
