but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
