This is not my ceiling
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
