I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
