sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
