I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
