hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
