i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
