Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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