I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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