Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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