if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, beer. Big fan.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
