so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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