it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
