you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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