He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
