You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
